Once I finally removed alcohol from my life, everything began to make more sense. For years, I thought I was drinking socially, for fun, to relax. But when I really took a step back, I started to see the truth: alcohol wasn’t adding to my life, it was quietly taking pieces away.
I used to drink to give myself confidence, to feel braver, louder, more “myself.” But now, standing where I am, I can confidently say I no longer need alcohol to feel that way. I have confidence in abundance, and it’s real. It’s mine. And I didn’t have to pour it from a bottle to find it.
That said, the path hasn’t been without its costs. Letting go of alcohol meant confronting truths I didn’t want to see. My marriage didn’t survive the transformation, and that has been deeply painful. But I also can’t escape the fact that the person I am now, the one who doesn’t need alcohol to cope or feel whole, wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t taken this journey.
It wasn’t a switch I could flip overnight. It took time. Reflection. Slipping up and starting again. But over the years, I gradually “grew out of” alcohol. What it once gave me started to feel small and insignificant when compared to the toll it was taking. The hangovers, the guilt, the health concerns, they far outweighed the fleeting buzz.
There’s a passage in Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind that stopped me in my tracks the first time I read it:
“I know I can’t go on like this. I start to worry about my health, beginning the well-trodden road of fear and recrimination. What were you thinking? Don’t you care about anything? Anyone? …and the only time I am brave enough to admit it (even to myself) is alone, in the dark, at three in the morning.”
That hit me deeply, because I’ve been there. Alone, questioning everything, feeling the weight of regret in the quiet hours. And it was in those moments that I knew: something has to change.
I didn’t just want to drink less, I wanted to stop wanting to drink. And eventually, that desire faded. Now, the truth is: I don’t want alcohol. I’m finally in control of my life… well, sort of. Life is never perfect, but it’s real, and I’m present for it. That’s more than I could say when I was numbing myself.
Going alcohol-free has been the most empowering choice I’ve ever made. But I won’t sugarcoat it: it’s hard. The hardest part is choosing to walk a path that most people aren’t on. We live in a world where alcohol is everywhere, it’s at birthdays, weddings, funerals, brunch, book club, and everything in between. Choosing not to drink often feels like choosing to stand out. But you know what? That’s where real strength lives, in the quiet resistance.
There is no such thing as a “healthy relationship” with something that slowly erodes your sense of self. I had to unlearn everything I thought alcohol gave me. And in doing so, I found freedom.
So, if you’re somewhere on that road, whether just beginning or years in, know this: it is worth it. And you’re not alone.
